Thinking of Seattle
by McDreamy
Summary: Onesided AddekMcMarried. Addison can't seem to get a certain someone out of her head. One Shot.


**A/N**: I'm actually trying to formulate an idea for a series... one that would potentially be longer than Shepherd Christmas. But until then, one shots & squee will have to do... hope you enjoy! I want to know what you think! And what you'd like to see in a story!

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"God, you're gorgeous," A distinctly masculine voice muttered as he wrapped his muscular arms around Addison's waist from behind.

He nudged her hair out of his way and nuzzled her neck with his face, scratching her slightly with his unshaven cheek. Addison closed her eyes and pressed herself into him. She relished at the feeling of his arms around her for sometime, until he turned her around and hungrily attacked her lips with his.

But Addison was shocked as she felt his lips attack her. That deep whisper hadn't belonged to Derek. Those strong arms hadn't belonged to Derek. The unshaven cheek hadn't belonged to Derek.

No, it wasn't Derek embracing her. It wasn't Derek at all.

"Addie?" Mark pulled away from her and looked into her frustrated eyes, "You okay?"

No. She wasn't okay. At the age of 39, Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd was living a life of constant regret. Mark was wonderful, and, yet, she seemed to be mentally replacing him with Derek more and more often.

It had started about a month previously, when she'd woken up early one Sunday morning and had rolled over to wake Derek to spend the day with her, but Derek wasn't there. Derek wasn't the man who walked in the door of the apartment every morning after a jog, Derek wasn't the man she stole kisses with in the locker room when no one was looking, Derek wasn't the man she crawled into bed with every night and Derek certainly wasn't the man looking at her right now.

But, God, she wished he were.

"Sorry, I don't know what _that_ was," She lied and kissed him softly. "But I do think the living room is not the best place to continue _this_."

She pressed her lips against his with such force that he stumbled backwards to regain his balance. He reacted just as she'd wanted; he had attacked her in a feverish kiss and guided her into the bedroom.

Okay, so it wasn't Derek roaming her body with powerful surgeon's hands. It wasn't Derek's weight on top of her. It wasn't Derek who moaned her name at the height of his pleasure.

She'd done this drill many times lately, forcing Mark into bed in an attempt to forget about Derek. It never worked, and this time was no exception. She obligingly stopped focusing on her husband's absence to pay homage to Meg Ryan, but as soon as Mark was lying next to her, Derek was back in her mind.

She tried to push Derek away, for just long enough to escape Mark's presence and she smiled at the man next to her and said softly, "I'm going to go take a shower, honey."

Mark looked at her sleepily, it was late and he was tired. He mumbled half-heartedly, "I could join you… you know, for an encore?"

Addison smiled. It was in moments like this that she couldn't understand why she wasn't satisfied with Mark; he was fun, he was sweet and he cared. But she still couldn't manage to carry these rare moments into something that lasted in her mind.

"Go to sleep, you won't even miss me," Addison whispered and went to the bathroom and turned on the water.

Addison stepped into the shower and pressed her forehead against the cool tile as the beads of water beat against her back. She had a man who found her attractive and was constantly reminding her of such, a man who made her smile and a man who was roguishly attractive, but she couldn't stop herself from pining for someone else. She wanted the man who had been emotionally absent for months before he'd actually left, the man who hadn't even gotten angry when he found her in bed with his best friend, the man who hadn't even bothered to stay around.

This thought process had become old hat. She would remind herself of all of Mark's good qualities while degrading Derek. At first, it had worked so well; she would brush Derek away like a speck of dust and return to Mark without a second thought. But it was becoming harder to send the thoughts of Derek away because she knew he wasn't all bad.

In fact, she knew Derek was _very_ good. She remembered getting lost in his piercing blue eyes, being completely astounded that someone could be so frustrating and adorable all at once, amusing him just to hear his laughter and so much more. Addison knew that though he had his flaws, Derek had been one of the best things to happen to her.

Derek had been her other half. For most of the early years of their marriage, to find one without the other was extremely rare. But soon they had settled into a comfort level where they took each other's presence for granted. It was this comfort that caused them to drift apart. They had stopped working at it because it was so easy, and then it was suddenly too hard to fix. When she had sought out Mark to replace everything she had once had with Derek, they had completely stopped trying.

The lack of passion and effort in their relationship was quite evident when Derek had come into their bedroom to find her with Mark and his only response was a slightly pained expression before turning and walking out; he hadn't even bothered to fight for her. He'd left without a word and slipped away to Seattle leaving nothing behind.

Addison sighed as she realized she was crying. The pain of Derek's reaction, or lack thereof, was suddenly fresh and anew.

How could someone throw away 10 years of marriage without a fight?

She shook her head; the answer to that question truly baffled her. Derek had slipped away without a single explanation. And, though she knew her betrayal was unforgivable, Addison thought she at least deserved an answer. She wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand and straightened herself.

Derek was an entire country away, and she couldn't even honestly say that she wanted him back. But she did know that she didn't want to go the rest of her life without seeing him. The only problem was that she didn't know how to do that. She didn't know how to find him.

Her problem was solved when Richard Webber called her the next morning, asking her to fly to Seattle as a consult on a case.


End file.
